Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Randomize
