do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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