God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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