my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
