FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so let's talk penis.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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