Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
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