My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
