dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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