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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"

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• (906): View more from Michigan

  last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

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• (650): View more from California

  So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back

  (971): View more from Oregon

  You should go to counseling for that

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster

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• (207): View more from Maine

  Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?

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• (914): View more from New York

  Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"

  (1-914): View more from New York

  New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak

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• (305): View more from Florida

  He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  "Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?

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