im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
