so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize