at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
