The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
