I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
