Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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