the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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