They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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