therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Houston, we have a squirter
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
