it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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