1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
