So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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