Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
