people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the condom got lost in my hair
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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