grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
