FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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