I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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