You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special