I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
