Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?