I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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