Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER