I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..