There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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