Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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