I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
