I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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