Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
