just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
