# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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