He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
