I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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