Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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