operation harelip BJ is a go
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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