my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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