She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
