I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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