I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
