i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
