My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
