The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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