I hate your face
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
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