It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
