I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
