census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
