I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
