i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
