I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
