they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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