If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
