Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
