Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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