i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
