stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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