I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
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