who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
