im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
