The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
