I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
