the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
