Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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