Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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