I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
