He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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