just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
