dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
