just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
