Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
