I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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