idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
