R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
