Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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