He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
