I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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