Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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