this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
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All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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