Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I will be naked everywhere
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
