There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
